November 8

Though hope was always a real, unbreakable sort of thing in my heart, I'm still not sure that I would have believed you, one year ago today, had you foretold the future and given me a word picture (or a physical photo!) describing exactly how Jackson would look, act, and be exactly one year later. One year ago today Jackson pulled out his breathing tube. (I still feel like laughing and clapping every time I remember that morning!) This morning he was chattering in bed to himself, and then called out, "Ma!" When I went in to his room he was standing up in bed smiling. Unbelievable. Still. I feel like nearly every blog post I write is some feeble, though whole-hearted, attempt to thank God for Jackson. But I never know how to even begin...and certainly wouldn't know how to end.
After we came home from St. Louis (then went back, then came home again), it seemed Jackson just got better and better with each day! But it took months before I ever felt even slightly normal again. Often his very best days were my hardest. My mind would relive...everything. Every detail would play out over and over. And the hurt just wouldn't stop hurting. I honestly don't know when things started to get better. It happened so gradually. But I remember one day thinking, "Wow. I don't really hurt." Isn't it amazing that healing can happen without us even realizing it? I don't put much stock in, "Time heals all wounds." It just isn't true. But God can heal wounds. And He can do the absolute unthinkable--to actually make you stronger because of your weakness. How is it possible? I have no idea. But He has kept me...and if you knew how low my heart and my spirit sunk in the last year you would realize--that is a miracle. A brother at church prayed this verse recently, and isn't it wonderful? "The eyes of the Lord move to and fro throughout the earth that He may strongly support those whose heart is completely His." 2 Chronicles 16:9 Isn't that amazing? So absolutely tender, and yet so absolutely strong and secure. The love of God! I am so grateful for Jackson. And so grateful for not just 9 months, or 1 year, but a lifetime of the strong support of God. "Hallelujah--what a Savior!"
Jackson continues to do very, very well. He has always done things on his own timetable, and walking has been no different. He is pulling up, cruising on all the furniture, holding onto only the smallest, flimsiest objects for support--but just not ready to take his own steps. We're just fine with that. Because this kid is a nightmarish explorer! He figured out how to open his baby gate, has almost figured out how to pull open the oven door, is drawn to light sockets like a moth to flames, and gives his mom a run for her money nearly every waking moment! (!) I feel tired just writing that! But it has certainly been a strange experience feeling grateful for every aspect of his life and health. Mason and I have joked about even feeling like, "Oh look! He knows how to pitch a fit! Isn't that wonderful?!" Haha! Of course we aren't grateful for fits, but we are grateful for the strength, the health, the mental awareness, the social interaction...every single aspect of how tremendously, miraculously well he is doing. It has been such a joy and privilege to send updates and pictures to some of his doctors and nurses in St. Louis. The work they do is indescribable in its value and effects!
Jackson is 14 months old! Thank you for every prayer!