April 2019

How can it be you are that same little boy?

You’ve grown so much since Christmas.

Your pants are too short now--like you’re ready to wade into the future.

Sometimes I imagine your little newborn self lying next to the boy that you are now.

Your chest was whole without a single scar, but the scars are what made you able to live.

You’ve started to ask me about those scars now. So far you care about the little ones,

But not the biggest.

“You have to give me medicine here?”

“Yes, buddy, I gave you some

Medicine there to help you be all better.” 

I wasn’t the first or main one, but it helps you to know 

I was involved. Just as it does in every area. Like this morning when I walked you to the table

Full of “friends” eating breakfast at school. Most of them are strangers, and your whole body knows it. But you smile through your fear, and only your hands twisting your shirt to death give you away. You’re just glad I’m standing there too...if only for a moment.

This week has been so sweet--so normal. Only the second such week we’ve had since you were that smaller boy at Christmas. I cherish every moment. Sometimes I feel like a fool to believe these moments will only increase as you grow older. But you opened your eyes that first morning when I stood by your crib and said your name, and the hope that began then has not and never will die.

-R.Vann

4/3/19