So that we don't give the impression we always ride above the storm I'll talk about yesterday. Yesterday was painful, very painful. We heard some things about his heart we were hoping not to hear. That was painful. But we've heard hard things before. I remember a storm that hit Kirksville a couple of years ago. We happened to be on the road when the front hit. The wind was so hard we were being pushed off the road and we couldn't see anything for rain. However, in a short time we were able to get to shelter that took the edge off. That's how its been with hearing hard news. But something about this was much worse.
Along with the other issues Jackson was retaining fluid. As the day crept on the fluid continued to build in his shoulders and head. I spent most of my time yesterday distracted with errands and watching heart lectures. After some dear friends left (who happen to also be family) I stopped to really look at him for the first time. I cannot write about it except to say I wasn't expecting it. The effect was a stunned blankness. I couldn't process or do anything for a long time and I couldn't understand why I wasn't recovering.
Then the story of Job and his friends came to mind. In chapter 2 Job's friends hear about the horrible things that were happening. So, "they made an appointment together to come to show him sympathy and comfort him." They were so hurt by the suffering of their friend they dropped everything and came to help. I'm sure they planned to talk through the pain and offer any practical service they could. However they found themselves unable to anything on arrival. The story says,
And when they saw him from a distance, they did not recognize him. And they raised their voices and wept, and they tore their robes and sprinkled dust on their heads toward heaven. And they sat with him on the ground seven days and seven nights, and no one spoke a word to him, for they saw that his suffering was very great. This gave me an explanation and a task.
Explanation: When you hear about the horrible things endured by someone you love it causes deep pain and a willingness to drop everything. But when you see what the horrible thing has actually done to the person ("they saw him" and "did not recognize him") it empties everything. It helped to understand what was happening with me.
Task: As they stood there stunned they found only one thing to do for their friend. They sat with him in silence.
So I put everything in my backpack and sat with him in silence. The aching remained, but the breaking did not.
We sit with you, Rachel, and baby Jackson---on the ground, not knowing what to say. Pleading for healing, for strength for "today", and for you to be upheld. We love you and are with you in spirit. Becka and family
ReplyDeleteFrom Psalm 61: From the end of the earth will I cry unto Thee, when my heart is overwhelmed; lead me to the Rock that is higher than I. For Thou hast been a shelter for me, and a strong tower from the enemy. I will abide in Thy presence forever; I will trust in the cover of Thy wings.
ReplyDeleteMason, the analogy to Job spoke to me so deeply. I seem to write the same comments over and over- not knowing how to express all I'm feeling. I tend to fret and think, fret and think- even though I know that is not God's way. I have settled myself and the psalms have spoken to my heart. Be still and know that I am God. I believe it is time for me to be still. Our prayers are constant. Our love unending. Our faith will not waiver.
ReplyDeleteMason - I am so glad you know the story of Job, and you were able to use it to 'find your ground'. I think back to your days as a youth - loving God hard, and loud, and unashamedly - and now, still doing the same. Keep your eyes on Jesus.
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